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past | present | future | infinity who knows what the road ahead holds??
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Saturday, September 25, 2004

so dead..

call it what you want.. dead.. screwed.. f***ed up.. 5(|23\/\/3|) |_|p.. im literally going to die for my promotional exams.. or more accurately.. my chemistry promotional exam.. i still think i have a pretty good chance of getting a C for my math and bio papers though.. but then.. back to chemistry.. i don't hate it.. what i hate? physics.. i am a strong non-supporter of physics.. so sue me all you physics lovers out there.. anyway.. as i said before.. i do NOT hate chemistry.. i just don't understand it..

just today.. i went cycling and swimming in the morning.. ie.: enjoying myself like i am in the middle of the december holidays.. then i went back home.. watched tv.. read a few chapters of a book.. played computer and then went to church thinking i can get some work done there.. i was partially right.. i DID managed to do some work.. the only problem? i did not know how to do ANY of the questions.. furthermore the questions i chose were simple.. they were from the first few chapters of my chemistry notes..

then after wasting like an hour on one of the questions.. my friend pointed out to me that the question itself is FLAWED! great.. an hour wasted for nothing.. very demoralising.. then now.. even as i type this.. i still do not know what the hey i am supposed to do about my chemistry paper.. personally.. after seeing my terms.. i sorta don't want to fail any papers this time round.. keeping myself out of the retain/supplementary papers list..

i pray that this time i can get the knowledge to pass promotional chemistry so that i can:

1. get something to brag about..
2. contribute to class spirit.. cos my teacher promised a class chalet on him if the whole class just PASSED promos..
3. get my parents happy..
4. avoid the retain/supplementary thingy
5. free up my holidays for fun stuff and the occasional mugging..

yeah.. i just hope.. actually nearly WISHING that i can just get my chemistry over with as quickly as possible to relieve myself of my burden..

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Monday, September 20, 2004


wouldn't it be great to be able to keep the memories you want and delete the rest away like it was so much junk on your computer? i certainly wish i could.. or at least 'quarantine' the ones i do not want in the back of my head..

there's just so much stuff that my head can store right now.. besides chemistry and biology.. most of them are my worries and plain bad memories that somehow manages to creep into my brain's central nervous system and overloads my emotional centre causing me to increasingly lose control over my emotions..

sure.. i dont cry much.. i never had to.. but then i sort of scares me.. first.. when im supposed to grieve.. i dont cry.. then i grieve a week later in church.. then when im supposed to be stable and calm.. like today.. ugh.. i nearly get overwhelmed by memories.. memories that can give me a mental breakdown if not for my ounce of control that remained in my conciousness..

thats why i just want to have the ability to file away all the memories.. those memories that especially distrct me from my daily life.. but then.. who the hey am i kidding.. i cant do it.. i just hope that this isnt the cause of my promo failure and my eventual retain..


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Thursday, September 16, 2004

what a geek would say if he loved you.

this is what a person would send to you on valentine's day.. if your boyfriends a geek that is.. ;)

-------------[start message here]-------------

my love for you is like "y = 0.75 x2/3 ± √(1 - x2)" as shown on the graph paper below..

will you be my

--------------[message ends here]-------------

haha.. i found this out when one of my friends was using the computer at the school library where he showed my this.. intriguing curve.. was supposed to be studying.. but what the heck.. haha!! =D

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Monday, September 13, 2004


i am currently sick.. but being sick isnt such a bad thing.. i mean.. sides feeling.. well.. sick.. you get to:
  1. pon school
  2. experience love
first ones pretty obvious.. for those people who do not understand this general term used in many academic institutes within singapore.. pon - sounds like porn minus the 'r' sound.. it means basically skipping school whether legitamaly or not.. mostly refers to the illegitemate skipping of school though.. well.. sick is basically the legitemate procedure of ponning.. aka skipping.. school.. of course almost always proof is needed.. either from a doctor or a parent.. then theres the illegitemate way of forging letters and signing your own 'mc'..

depends on the teacher you meet to 'explain' yourself sometimes.. some teachers care.. others dont.. so if you are absent without letter or mc to a teacher who pretty much doesnt give a damn whether you come a not.. good.. you got out pretty easy.. however.. is the teacher gives a damn.. chances are that you would be facing a weeks detention or worse for ponning school illegitemately..

then i get to the 2nd point.. love.. unless your house is constantly filled with no one but your maid.. or the only person you see everyday is your dog.. this should pretty much apply to everyone else..

when you get sick.. parents tend to care.. and this gives a really nice feeling to almost anyone.. plus most likely that you appreciate the presence of your parents.. of course.. if you have siblings that may prove to be different.. or not.. well.. the lovin u get when you are sick is almost worth the bad feelings runny noses and all sort of unhygenic shht that your body would commonly be going through..

ah well.. apparently my body is exactly at the going to get fever stage.. hopefully by tomorrow morning i would get a fever.. then can pon school.. on the other hand.. i would miss out on alot of lectures at school.. not to mention friends also.. so.. what the hey.. school tomorrow it is!..


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Friday, September 10, 2004

world = bad place? hmm..

why does the world have to be such a bad place? this question pops into my head time and time again in which the next logical - and easy - answer pops into my head.. that is.. sin..

put it whatever way you want.. sin.. greed.. evil.. darkness.. there are a million and one ways to classify sin.. come to think of it.. i probably call it sin because of my Christian background.. but seriously.. stuff thats bad is happening all over..

the jakarta blast.. i never even knew about it until after i watched the news like half and hour ago.. it sickens me.. the blast has just hospitalised a girl.. a girl that now is in a semi-coma like unconcious state.. receiving treatment in singapore.. the fact is that she doesnt even know that her mother is already dead.. its a sad fact.. a fact that she would never realise until after she wakes up.. even worse would be the double whammy served up to her after she awakes.. one.. that she has just lost like a few weeks of her childhood and next.. that her mother is gone.. forever.. all because some people want to "make a point"..

it saddens me really that this happens around the world everyday.. that this evil is part of the world and humanity.. sure.. stuff like this never happens in singapore.. but then.. we gossip.. we badmouth each other.. we fight amongst ourselves.. we diss each other.. we mistreat others.. we hurl verbal abuse at each other.. this happens everyday.. in school with our friends and classmates.. at home with our parents and siblings.. sure.. it aint a perfect world out there with people willing to stab you in the back at any second you falter.. but then.. one can wonder.. what would happen if everyone treated everyone else nicely..

im not talking about a world changing moment.. or the best speech which is worthy of a nobel peace prize.. im talking about treating one another nicely.. if someone falters.. help him/her up.. regardless whether your friend teases you or not.. to encourage one another.. not discourage by saying "you suck" or placing that "L" shape on your forehead..

sure.. im not entirely guilt free.. aka not evil.. 100% pure goodness inside.. but then who is? who really is devoid of the greed.. of the evil that lurks within us.. but then.. why doesnt the people around us treat one another nicely.. sure.. the occasional teasing of a person maybe considered fun.. but then i wonder.. what WOULD happen if everyone just treated one another fairly and nicely.. i really wonder..

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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

ferocious doggies...

its very funny really.. it seems that i possess the inate ability to attract ferocious dogs to bark, growl and otherwise attack me.. in other words i literally have a "jump on me and rip out my throat" sign in doggie language stuck behind my back.. its like someone playing a real cruel trick on me.. of course, it could just be my cynophobia kicking in..

[ Fear of dogs is termed "cynophobia - cy.no.pho.bi.a" -- n.;a word derived from the Greek "kyon" (dog) and "phobos"(fear). ]

seriously.. it seems that everytime i pass a house with dogs in it.. they would instantly snap to attention.. and use those eyes to literally bore a hole in my back.. even if they were sleeping or happily playing with a ball or doing something doggish.. they would instantly give me their full attention and start barking like siao at me.. some of you might say that he just might be trying to be friendly.. but how the hey can they be friendly when they are GROWLING AT YOU!!!

no wonder i have this phobia.. not that im saying that the world should begin the total extermination of all dogs in the world.. i actually think dogs are cute and nice.. yeah.. until they start barking at you.. sizing you up.. then they lunge at you and start getting at that warm throat of yours to bite and tear out..

maybe the next thing you see is yourself lying on the floor dying..


maybe its just me and my phobia..

ah well.. life sucks right now.. now everyone is about study study study.. sick of it to the core.. not that i detest study.. but when you just dont understand anything.. and the nearest thing you can ask is probably your pencil case.. you would feel depressed.. depressed that u cant study.. and when you feel depressed.. you dont feel the desire to study anymore..

well.. at least study is better than homework.. and i still got tons of it to do.. its actually amazing that how i still have homework left.. well.. its equally amazing how a couple of songs.. the internet.. online friends and blogger can take up all your time.. even now.. im talking and blogging my head out for a certain person..

oh well.. life sux.. thats the way it is.. until the end of promos that is!! :D

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Sunday, September 05, 2004


thanks to jiahao's msn nick.. i have just been grimly reminded that i have "29 days to Promotional Exams".. in other words.. i have EXACTLY 29 days.. or more accurately ~3 weeks and 2 days left until i either die terribly in an amazing spectacle of self-combustion or i drive myself incredibly insane.. either way.. im more or less dead.. why? all because i have not started studying yet..

but then.. even in my predicament.. i still can remember the pain that the sec 4's of 2004 are currently experiencing right now.. all because i took the hated exams months ago.. seems like eons ago though.. ah well.. though i try my best to try and comfort and sympathise with these grp of people.. i still cant help but feel relieved that my "time" was done.. well.. i still got my promotional exams ahead..

but life is rather stress now.. all because of the knowledge that i am going to waste like the 3 weeks away doing something really stupid.. then study on the last 2 days before the exams.. shht.. i just wish that i would have like an innate ability to study hard..

on friday i went to my friends house.. n there i heard for the first time the "legendary tale" of ACJC's Student President.. aka.. Tan Li Feng.. on how she practically acheived what no living sane fairfield guy would do.. ie.: get 10 A1, 1 A2.. heck.. she got the A2 from French..

argh.. alot of pressure.. right now.. im only up against the whole of ACJC.. yeah.. ONLY against ACJC.. which makes me wonder what would happen at A levels when im like up against the whole JC student population in Singapore! ah well.. its not like im aiming for top scholar or somthing like that.. wish i could but know that i cant.. not anywhere in the near future and with my current schedule.. but its just the feeling where u seem so inferior.. then even worse.. when applying for a university is when the REAL competition starts..

shht.. i just do not know how the hey im going to cope up with my studies.. on the bright side.. if i score well for my Promotionals.. i may be getting a new guitar.. haha.. ^_^

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